Nomen Est Omen

I Think I've Found My Calling

Dudes...I don't like to stay on one topic for very long lest the readers get bored but there is a fucking gold mine of material here in these personal ads.

I last left you with Mr. Desperate who had left at least three posts on the first page alone. Well guess what ladies and gentlemen? He's written again!

I can't meet people because I'm so busy posting on Craig's List. This one is a little more sane but I love how he says, 'Love sees no color' and then refuses to date black women. Guy has serious issues.

This next one...I just can't pass this one up. The grammar and sentence structure is horrific. The spelling...it's so bad it's pissing me off. And he's a class A whiner to add icing on the cake.

Hi my name is Ali About me I'm 28 5'8 175pd mixed blk white in good shape slim and done with the B.S games that men and women play for there egos and other parts.

Where do I begin? First of all, let's not hit the 'return' key halfway through a sentence. (You'll have to look at the link to see what I mean.) Second, speaking of sentences, we either have run on sentences or fractured sentences and both make it incredibly difficult to focus on what the person is saying. Not that they're saying much. Third, the word "there" should have been spelled, "their" and it's something we all learned in middle school so when a 28 year old spells it wrong, I'm immediately turned off.

I'm was in the coast guard but was so unhappy so I quit and moved to davie /ft laderdale area Fl and work at a air con company.

I'm was in? That's a new one. Hey, SFaolan, where were you? "I'm was in the bathroom boss." And ooh lookie! He's a quitter! If it gets too hard he just quits instead of fulfilling the promises he made to the U.S. Government. Ladies, if he can't keep that promise, he definitely can't keep a promise to you.

I let go of my whole life and packed up and set out on an adventure a new life new start.I move din with my best friend jhon and his wonderfull family, who saved my lfe litterly.After my girlfriend of four years left me and cheated on me. I just wanted the pain to go away.

Que the violin music. Litterly. I promise it's "wonderfull".

It's been a month now, and it's over ,but I'm still me and I am finding what is it that again makes me-me after that? I'm ready to discover that again.

"I am finding what is it that again makes me-me after that?" Huh?! Speekie ye English?

What I have discovered is being alone sucks ass! Sorry its true.

Why is he apologizing?

I cant stand the sleep around go to bars tell her what she wants to hear to get laid shit! Some people I realize have no soul! I dont know we all have had that faze but Im over it it took me forever but I cant go back to that I dont want to see any one hurt like I was hurt ever again I cound take another betrayal.

I think my brain hurts after reading that paragraph. Use some sort of punctuation somewhere, PLEASE! For the love of humanity! And will someone please hand that boy a kleenex before the snot from crying runs down his face into his mouth?

Santa Cruz.

What? What the hell kind of transition is that? You can't just jump around from one topic to the next, hapharzadly! That's dangerous! Think of your fellow man!

I started going to the gym or run/mountain bike/swim 5 days a week.I'm getting my body back and it feels good.

What happened to his body? He's been a floating head this entire time? Wow, that ex of his must have been a real psycho leaving him with no body. I think he'll have a better chance at dating once he reattaches his head though.

I have a extra mountain bike but no partner. I have the skills to cook a fantastic meal but no one to share it with. I have a queen size bed and my cat takes up most of it or sleeps on my head and the rest is cold and alone I toss and turn at night cause I cant stand sleeping alone it sucks so much.

I just realized that I'm being a real asshole subjecting you all to this. I'm having a hard time keeping my own dinner down and here I go, sharing it with all of you, unsuspecting readers. I'm sorry. I truly am. Well, I guess only a smidgen sorry cause I'm going to continue. Hey, misery loves company. At least that's the message I'm getting from this guy. God what a puss.

I'd love to swim in the pool with you and lay in the sun on a air mattress, enjoy a drink and laff again.

Sigh. 'AN air mattress" not "A air mattress". AN if the following word begins with a vowel, "A" if the following word begins with a consonant. It's fucking third grade English people! And it's spelled "laugh" you douche!

I can dance but no one to dance with.I'm looking for someone I can fall in love with and not introduce them to the family just to get my heart broke again.

How old is this little girl? The crying! The drama! Someone needs to get over it before trying to date again. Anyone who is stupid enough to date him is only going to be a rebound girl. Well, if she responds, maybe she deserves it.

Yes I want someone to bring me soup or hot tea in bed cause I'm sick and yes I would do the same gladly. I am sick I'm love sick and I don't want to be sick one more day.

No, you're not sick. You're a pussy. You're still hung up on the last relationship, as I said above, and you are so not even close to being ready for a new one. You're just going to make the new one sick too. Much like you're making me sick.

I'd love some one to hold a kiss all night. Hold hands with and watch sunsets on the beach.I'm so open to what ever.

"Because I'm fucking desperate and can't stand to be alone and am not willing to work through the pain of a breakup. I'd much rather cling to someone else so that I don't have to think about it." It's one thing to talk about a break up, it's something else to try to use that to get someone new in your life. It's pathetic.

I haven't been able to sleep I cant stand sleeping alone.I would love it if you would respond back preferably with a number/picture.I'm also willing to travel to see you,Or you can come over or even meet for a drink maybee dinner movie or just go out and dance and have fun agian.

Or "maybee" not. "Maybee", bzzzzz, I'm a bee, maybe (correct spelling of the word), you could explain what dinner movie is. And "maybee" you could learn to be comfortable with yourself so that you can rely on yourself to entertain yourself instead of this co-dependency that is being revealed before our very eyes. Just maybeeeee.

I love to find some one special agian (ltr) maybee it's you mabee just a great new friend it's up to you.

Maybee you could learn to spell. Mabee you could learn to write in coherent sentences. Mabee you could quit being such a fucking whiner. Mabee you could grow a pair.

I PROMISS THAT I WILL RESPOND TO ALL THAT E-MAIL ME!

OK! JUST SO LONG AS YOU YELL OUT YOUR PROMISSSSSSSS.

I think if some one can take the time to write you its only polite to write them back,people have feelings and there are alot of us who are searching and feel fragile.

You took the time to write a blubber fest on Craig's List and now I owe you something? I think not. Besides, I don't do well with fragile things. I tend to break them. Call me clumsy.

Challege excepted tag you're it!

ACCEPTED you fricken dolt. Also? I never agreed to play this game so I guess you're still it. Whatever you are, whomever you are. Not that you know either... except maybe a little moaning bitch.

Following that we get three photos where we get to play, "Guess which one I am because I'm too fucking stupid to inform you."

So let me ask you all something: Is it that I'm too picky or is it that there are just a lot of tards out there? I will tell you though, the more I read these the more I am happy to be single. Sure, I'd like to have a relationship but not if it means being with one of these tools. Like they said in the movie, "Some Kind of Wonderful": I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than together for the wrong ones.

Winners We Have To Choose From

I have a confession to make. Some time ago I put a personal ad on Craig's List. Yep. I got a lot of responses and met three people after talking to them for a bit. The very first one I met I actually liked and had a good time with but alas, he never called again. That kinda stung. (Perhaps I shouldn't have kicked his ass so hard in air hockey.) The other two were pretty cool and were fun to hang out with but the chemistry just wasn't there. I've not put another ad in and I don't know that I will do that again because I really did it just to see what would happen and if I made a friend out of the whole thing, that was a bonus.

Anyway, periodically I read through the personals because I find it highly entertaining. I read the chick ones not because I want to date chicks but for the laughs, (there are some funny ladies out there), and I read the guy ones because any time I might think I'm feeling a little lonely, these ads remind me how great it is not to be hooked up with any of them.

First of all, here's a helpful little tidbit: If you put an ad in the paper seeking a special someone, do not, under any circumstances, place a photo of your sweaty, nasty ass and expect positive feedback. Example

**Here we have a tired, boring ad filled with the same crap every other guy writes. What they're looking for:

"Someone (ladies only) who is goal driven"

Does it matter what goals he is talking about? I have a lot of goals. Example, I have a goal to make it to the weekend without going off on anyone over the phone at work. I have a goal to finish this cigarette I'm currently smoking. I have a goal to eventually go to bed tonight. I have a goal to clean the cat litter tomorrow...I'm very goal driven.

"...enjoys humor and fun..."

Well count me out! I hate humor and fun! Can't stand it. In fact, I don't know any girl who likes humor and fun. What kind of freak is this guy?

"...lives life to the fullest..."

What the fuck exactly does that mean? "Lives life to the fullest." That's like that stupid line, "knows what life is all about"...really!? Someone knows the answer? I think scientists and religious scholars have been looking for that answer for years and this genius comes along and demands you know the answer before he'll even consider going on a date with you.

"... down to earth..."

Thank God for the power of gravity. In reality, this is to be read as such: "I'm not spending a dime on you, ever. Not even on your birthday...GOLD DIGGER!"

"...open minded..."

You'll do whatever I want and if you don't agree with it, you're too closed minded, ie: freaky sexual positions.

"...like doing new things..."

I think most people enjoy staying in a rut. Try something new? What kind of crazy talk is that?!

**Maybe I'm too picky but damn I can't get past certain things in ads, like poor grammar:

"Hello, I am looking to meet a great lady who is intelligent, attractive and athletic, with a great sense of humor, and that is looking to meet an exceptional man who is ambitious, educated, traveled, athletic and funny . . ."

blah, blah, blah, run on sentence, blah, blah, blah.

"I am 31 years old, I enjoy traveling and learning from new people and cultures. On my spare time..."

On my spare time? ON my spare time?

"...I enjoy outdoor sports, mountain bike, running and water sports."

Er...I thought mountain biking, running and water sports WERE outdoor sports. That's like saying "I like sleeping in rooms, bedroom, living room, and on beds in rooms."

"...At the beginning I can be a little quiet, but once you get to know me, you will recognize that I like to express my feelings, take emotional risks, and I am always hoping to get the best out of every venture."

Translation? "I'm a fucking psycho who holds everything in until you've stuck around for a few dates. Then I let loose all of my emotional baggage onto your shoulders. When it goes badly after that, I'll blame it all on you and add another carry on to my heaping pile of luggage I've yet to sort through. Won't you be my armchair psychologist?"

"...In hopes of getting to know each other where it may possibly lead to something special, please reply with a picture and I will be more than happy to forward mine."

"Allow me to judge you before I ever say word one to you."

**Ooh, here's a real winner:

"I am in search of a sexy, witty, kind, and funny mature female for a long-term relationship."

YAWN!

I am a 33 year old male, in the Coral Springs/Margate area, conveniently located near highways, beauty salons, swanky boutiques, and malls.

I actually find that sentence to be funny. Too bad he doesn't continue like this.

What I'm looking for is a thick (or shapely thin),well-proprtioned woman with smarts and a sincere sweetness...

I likes my wimmin wif smarts! Thick and sweet, just like my syrup!

...she must be prepared to wear dresses and heels, or skirts and tank tops as required.

As required? Excuse me? Does this fruit cake realize that a "woman with smarts" will wear whatever the fuck she wants to wear and not what this guy "requires" her to wear?

She must have the ability to release the anger and mistrust from the past and have confidence in me as her possible mate, regardless that I'm a man.

I...just can't even form a ...I have no words for this.

She must possess excellent command of smiles...

I command you to smile! SMILE damn you! I said "smile" you fools!

This position is full-time, weekdays/nights and weekends. The contract offered comes with a revolving renewal clause. Reviews will take place every February 13th. There is great possibilty of advancement based solely on loyalty, lack of selfishness and my patended "passion factor" rating. this "passion factor" will be explained only in the interview...

only resumes WITH PICTURES included will be considered.

for all white and latin applicants, I am a EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

Oh goody! I get to apply and every year go through a performance review to see if I'm up to his expectations and standards. Will I get a fucking raise? How much vacation time away from this job will I get each year? What's the name of his superior in case I have complaints about the working conditions?

If you think I am being too hard on him allow me to inform you that he later wrote again in another ad....slightly bitter:

Ladies...Looking 4 A Nice Guy, huh? Bull***t!! - 33

ME ROWR!

Thats a shame. "Where are the nice guys at?" "Where are the normal men?" Blah, blah, blah. I have had only 2 responses this week.

It's not because we don't want to meet nice men, it's because we don't like the idea of being interviewed and reviewed as if dating you were a job.

One question for all you women online looking to meet a man: If you can give that loser ex-man of yours 2 or 3 years of your life, why cant u give me 5 minutes of your time to find out about me? Just think about that, before you create ads asking "Where are the good men?" Ridiculous!..lol. I'll tell you where he is...you know the ad you keep ignoring? Thats probably him. So keep looking for Brad Pitt, or Tyson Beckford. We will all be on craigslist for the next 10 years if you keep this up.

Wow! I've seen 4 year old girls have milder tantrums than this guy. Dude..settle down. Rewrite your personal ad to something a little less business like and have patience. And do not lash out at the general public because you don't think you got enough attention. It's fucking Craig's List.

There are many...MANY more like this or worse. Perhaps I'll make this a weekly thing...call it, "This Week's Top 3 Desperate Douche Bags".

Update: Well, well, I think we have this week's winner. This guy is seriously desperate.

Jeeeeeeeeesus! No wonder I'm still single.

Movie Reviews

This week in movies:

Best In Show

This is a "mockumentary" about the people who compete in dog shows. The humor is dark and dry at times, which I love, and loaded with snark. The cameras follow:

The gay couple with their shitzu, the backwoods boy with his bloodhound, the high stress, keeping up with the Jonses, type A personalities with their weinmarner, the rich bitch and her lesbian handler with their dog who has won Best In Show the two previous years and the in debt mid western suburban couple whose life revolves around their dog so much, they make up songs and sing them at backyard bbqs for their friends.

If you enjoy observing people in your spare time and you like dark, twisted humor, you will greatly enjoy this movie. Thumbs up.

Raising Helen

A top modeling agency assistant has her life all mapped out and just how she likes it when her sister and brother in law die in a bad car accident leaving behind three kids. The dead sister decides to give the kids to the assistant instead of the other sister, a stay at home mom with much more experience, and now the assistant's life is turned upside down. Everything she has known before changes but she does learn very valuable lessons along the way.

This is another chic flick and will definitely not interest the guys. It may not interest many girls either as it's one of those movies you might end up watching on cable if nothing else is on or you are too lazy to change the channel but once again, it's a pretty predictable movie. The only reason I rented it is because it has Joan Cusack in it and I like her but it was nothing spectacular. Thumbs down.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Yet again a movie I have seen a couple thousand times and I love it more every time I watch it. This movie is outstanding. Kathy Bates, a bored housewife, finds a new friend at the hospital she and her husband visit for a sick relative. The new friend shares stories with Kathy about the lives of two girls, Idgie and Ruth, who end up being best friends and run a diner in a small town which specializes in serving fried green tomatoes. From these stories, Kathy finds the inspiration, strength and power within to start making changes to her own life. Obviously a chic flick and it is excellent. Thumbs Up.

That's it for this week. Till next time, keep the popcorn hot and the butter melted.

Storm Days And Slicing

This very busy season finds me home once again riding out a tropical storm. We have reached the letter "R" in storm names and have only 8 letters to go yet we still have until the end of November for the season to be over. What is going to happen if we run out of letters?

One cool side effect from all these storms is how many times I get to stay home form work and get "hurricane" pay. Heehee. I only had to work 3 and a half hours today as Rita took a little twist to the north earlier prompting the boss to decide to err on the side of safety and let us all go home early. I don't have to work tomorrow as the brunt of the storm will be passing by and I have Wednesday off anyway. That totally fucking rules! I get paid for a day and a half of sitting on my backside doing nothing but relaxing.

Anyway, even though she's a tropical storm, possibly becoming a hurricane before she completely passes, we get her armbands and though we may not be in the direct path, we still get some crazy weather that is still dangerous to be out in. Trees can and probably will still snap, branches will fall and it is possible that we will lose power.

If we lose power, I lose cable. If I lose cable, I lose internet access. So! I leave you with this lovely article I've been holding on to for awhile now to hold you over until I return.

I Wanna Be A Ken Doll!

Listen to some of the things he says:

"When you're in Hollywood, you have to keep yourself together and looking good to extend your career."

The problem is, he doesn't look good. Look at those pictures. He looks like a fucking plastic freak bag.

He also says:

"I'm content with myself now because I've done everything that bothered me...You have to work with the features you've got."

He actually said that. "You have to work with the features you've got", he says, after having his body ripped apart 30 some odd times. That's like an anorexic telling us to accept our bodies for whatever size they are. Vanity is a serious problem with far too many people.

And what I really want to know is where the hell do these people get the money to do this crap and why aren't they putting that money to better use? Volunteering or donating will boost that shit poor low self esteem. I just don't understand why so many people who have no damn brain seem to have so much money.

Oh well, I'd rather be poor, eat Cup O' Noodles and like myself, flaws and all than have a lot of money, hate myself and cut myself up in order to try to impress other people.

You see, if you're not impressed with me? I'm not the one with the problem.

Well...Alright

Dudes, someone has too much time on their hands:

DJ Hand

If there's a pun in there, please excuse it.

When I'm Rich...

I want one of these in one of the bathrooms of the house I have built with the millions I'll come into someday:

Of course, I will hire someone to keep it clean so I will get to enjoy it completely.

The next time I hear some idiot talking about how all they bought with their lottery winnings was a pair of pants while my beautiful sink is out there waiting for me? I think I'll beat them. Profusely.

Movie Reviews

Some time ago I had mentioned that I would be sharing my views on movies I rent from Netflix as I get about three a week. I failed to keep up on it so it's time to revive the topic. This entry reviews the movies I have watched since that last entry. Browse through it, read the whole thing, don't read a word of it, whatever, just enjoy.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Stars Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn as "progressive" parents...or at least they think they are. Their theory is tested when their daughter brings home her fiance who just so happens to be black. This movie was made in 1967 but unfortunately, interracial relationships still cause strain in some families out there so the movie is not dated. Well, except for the clothes. And furniture.

Anyway, the white family meets the black family and words are spat back and forth, concerns are addressed and while the mothers quickly adapt, both fathers are hard headed and are refusing to bless the marriage . Some of the characters never seemed to fully develop but it's still enjoyable. Thumbs up.

The Gods Must Be Crazy and The Gods Must Be Crazy 2

I originally watched these movies when I was a teen and remembered laughing my ass off so I wanted to watch them again.

The story is about a tribe in Africa who are going about their daily routine, minding their own business when a pilot from another country flies over head and litters his Coca Cola bottle out the side. The bottle falls to the earth and conks someone on the head and the hilarity ensues.

The basic message is that we never realize we "need" something until it comes into our existence and then when that "need" we never needed before is taken away, we get upset. We get very upset.

It takes one brave soul to stand up and say, "I'm getting rid of this damn thing because life was so much easier before it ever came here." So this tribal member spends the rest of these movies finding himself involved in many adventures with some ridiculous characters while trying to return the bottle to the gods who the tribe thinks gave them the Coca Cola bottle in the first place. Thumbs up.

Harold and Maude

This movie was both hilarious and disturbing. Harold would fake his own death to mess with his mother and this kid went all out. He wouldn't just lie on the ground pretending not to breathe, he would do things like fake hang himself in a room he knew his mother would visit eventually. His mother, used to his antics, barely even noticed and would talk to him as if he were sitting in a chair, reading a book.

The part of the movie that really disturbed me though was the fact that Harold fell in love with Maude, whom he met at a funeral...which is what he liked to do in his spare time. Attend funerals. But he's a teen age kid and she's a 60 or so year old lady and that basically disgusted me. In the end, though, Maude does a bang up job teaching this kid a few things about life, things he wasn't getting from his mother and it is because of that and the faked deaths that I recommend this movie. Thumbs up.

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Stars Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson is assigned to write an article on how to dump a guy in 10 days. Matthew makes a bet that he can date a girl for more than 10 days. The two meet. Typical, expected scenarios play out. This movie was ok, something to rent when you feel like having a completely think free weekend. Thumbs down.

Full Metal Jacket

Young men going off to war after enduring absolute hell which is otherwise known as Basic Training. We are treated to one of the most hilarious drill sergeants ever. The soldiers eventually go off to the Vietnam war and things start to get serious but you get a small glimpse, very, very small glimpse into the world of the soldier who has honor and will do whatever it takes to protect his fellow soldier. I have seen this movie a dozen times and I will see it a dozen more. I absolutely love it. Major thumbs up.

Babbette's Feast

This is a foreign film and MY GOD was this movie excellent! Two sisters grow up in a Danish village and never leave, never marry despite offers. When they are grown, a French woman shows up at their door looking for a place to get away from the French Revolution. The woman works for them for years until one day she happens upon a large sum of money from winning the lottery. She decides to create a feast for the entire town using her skills as one of the most well known chefs in France. Thing is, no one in the town knew she was this person. The town shows up for dinner where they are met with so many different things, things that do not follow their daily routine, things they do not want to try or enjoy because it is different but Babbette has other plans. This is really a chic flick but it's really good. It's good enough to watch again right after it ends. Thumbs up.

The Lady Vanishes

You know, Alfred Hitchcock has some pretty good movies out there but this is not one of them. A young lady rides a train and befriends a passenger. Along the way the passenger vanishes causing the young lady to become very concerned. All the passengers and employees of the train deny they ever saw the friend and insinuate that the young lady is a lunatic. She is helped by a gentleman on the train who apparently has the hots for her and they come across a "sinister plot". Thumbs down.

Gone With the Wind

For the first 30 minutes of this movie I was highly offended. Every racist and stereotypical remark and mannerism seemed to dance on screen. It took me awhile to recover from the shock of that to understand that this was back in the day when this sort of thing was not only common but accepted. So Scarlett and Rhett seem to have some serious communication problems and it costs them their relationship. Frankly, Scarlett seems a little spoiled and Rhett isn't exactly the nicest guy on the planet. I rented this one just to see what all the fuss was about and it wasn't so bad. I remain nuetral on my recommendation.

The Producers

Oh bloody hell this movie was terrible. Basically a failing producer, who hasn't made anything successful in a long time, devises a plan to make a complete flop and oversell shares so he and his accountant can make a lot of money. They read hundreds of scripts looking for the worst one they can find. They come across one titled, "Springtime for Hitler" and set about to producing it. I was expecting comedy but was let down. Thumbs down.

Village of the Damned/Children of the Damned

Freaky little kids with their colorless eyeballs who cause grown ups they don't like to have fatal accidents. Not really scary but good background noise when trying to fall asleep. Thumbs down.

The Manchurian Candidate

This movie has been given high reviews in the past but I couldn't even concentrate on it. I let it play out but it was so incredibly boring to me that I only remember a scene or two towards the end. Because I'm not entirely sure what it's about, I'll have to use someone elses words to explain it:

Some thrillers remain as suspenseful -- and timely -- as when they were first released. Raymond Shaw (Laurence Harvey) is a Korean War hero with a lethal secret: He's been brainwashed into being a sleeper agent for the communist Chinese. With one phone call, the Reds can transform Shaw into a deadly assassin -- unless fellow veteran Bennett Marco (Frank Sinatra) can stop them first!

I have no recommendation.

How to Marry a Millionaire

Three ladies move into an apartment in New York and decide that their mission in life is to meet and marry a millionaire, respectively. What they discover is that money isn't everything forcing them to choose between happiness or a lot of money with someone they don't truly love. A surprise twist at the end. Kinda cute movie, definitely chic flick. Thumbs Up.

The Seven Year Itch

Here we get to watch a married man's innermost thoughts as he meets his new, smokin' hot, (Marilyn Monroe), temporary upstairs tenant. He invites her over for a drink and intends on getting her into bed. Problem is, while he's busy living in fantasy land about what a stud he is, he also has a major problem with paranoia and he thinks that this evening with the neighbor is being broadcast across the country..especially to his wife. Thumbs up.

It Happened One Night

A socialite decides to run away from home, taking a bus to NY so she can be with the man she supposedly loves. This causes her father great angst and he has the story on the front page of the newspapers. A recently fired reporter who happens to be on the same bus as the socialite decides to use her to get the story out of her to get his job back. Naturally, things don't always go according to plan. This movie was made in 1934 so some things we take for granted today, like rail road crossings, will break that fourth wall for us at times but overall, this is cute little film. Thumbs Up.

Roman Holiday

Audrey Hepburn stars in this typical "princess running away from the palace to feel the freedom of being a normal person" flick. She bumps into a journalist, (Gregory Peck), who takes care of her, letting her sleep at his place and show her around town. At first he has no idea who she is but eventually he learns of her title and he and his photographer friend decide that this would make a great story for the paper they write for. Seems a lot of that reporter using high class dame to get ahead in their jobs kinda stuff going on but this movie was alright. I'd recommend it just because it's a classic. Thumbs Up.

Tora! Tora! Tora!

To be honest, I didn't know if I would enjoy this one but I was glued. GLUED to the screen. This is about the bombing of Pearl Harbor and takes us inside both sides of this war, Japanese and the Americans and what and how things eventually unfolded to become the reason America joined WWII. This film was made in 1970..if any others are made after that, I advise to scrap them and watch this one. Absolutely amazing movie. Thumbs Up.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

I'm almost embarrassed that I watched this movie. It was so stupid. Once again I expected comedy and all I got was embarrassment. I watched the whole thing but I do not recommend it at all. If you want to learn what this movie is about, look it up because it really sucked so hard that I don't even want to talk about it anymore. Thumbs Down.

Shaun Of The Dead

This is one fucking hilarious movie and British humor is some of the best damn humor in the world as far as I'm concerned. Shaun is going about his dull life, losing his girlfriend, hating his job, dealing with his asshole roommate and lazy friend when shit hits the fan. Zombies make their way to the streets of London and go about biting people, turning them into zombies. Shaun takes control and does his best to protect his friends, girlfriend and family. Thumbs Up.

The Elephant Man

Once again a movie I watched as a kid and wanted to see again. John Merrick is stricken with a terrible physical abnormality and finds himself as a circus freak, being beaten by his "owner". Enter the doctor who is fascinated by Merrick and takes him away from the circus to his hospital where he runs tests and learns that while Merrick may look horrible, he's one of the sweetest, most tender, intelligent people he's met. Can't judge a book by its cover. Thumbs Up.

Citizen Kane

Touted as "one of the best movies ever made", I have to disagree. I do not think this is one of the best movies ever made by a longshot. Orson Wells directed and starred in this movie which is really a story about William Randolph Hearst, and once again, we have the same ol' same ol' with the hero newspaper man and blah blah blah. It was ok. Not something I'll ever want to watch again though. Because I and the public do not agree, I'll leave it with no recommendation.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Mel! Kiss my grits! When I was a kid there was a show called "Alice" about three waitresses in a greasy pit of a diner who gave Mel, the cook, a hard time. This is the movie that started it all. It was ok but I wish I would have seen it on like Lifetime or something instead of wasting up precious space in my que renting it. Thumbs Down.

Mommie Dearest

Bitch. Next time you complain about your mother, watch this movie. This lady is a fucking bitch! Joan Crawford, a well known actress decides she wants to adopt children. After being rejected time and again because of her career, she finds herself with two children and all is supposed to be happy and wonderful. Problem is, Joan is a perfectionist and is as hard on her kids as she is herself. Whenever Joan meets disappointment, she takes it out on her daughter, Christina. This movie is scarier than Village of the Damned. And I highly recommend it. Thumbs Up.

Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights

Major chic flick alert! But oh man is this movie good. Cathy and Heathcliff are in love with each other but because of class and stubborness, do not ever get together. Cathy goes off and marries someone else which pisses Heathcliff off in a big way. In the end, the offspring pay for the sins of their parents until Cathy returns and takes Heathcliff away. Thumbs Up.

And finally,

Shrek 2

C'mon. It's Shrek. And it's Eddie Murphy as the talking donkey. Who cares about plot. Eddie Murphy is a talking donkey! And he's funny as shit! You all saw Shrek...this is just as good.

Now then, we are all caught up. I seriously doubt anyone read this far. By that I mean, you didn't skim through to the last paragraph and are now reading this, I mean you actually read the entire thing. Maybe one person will actually do that. I like to think I'm a good judge of movies but I don't always agree with the general public so maybe I'm not. Or maybe it's because I don't get sucked into the hype that I AM a good judge. Whatever, when I say a movie is funny, it actually is. When I say a movie is stupid, it truly is. When it comes to war movies or chic flicks, I understand that they may not be for everyone so it depends on what genre you like. But you might want to give some of them a chance that you might not have thought to watch before. You may be pleasantly surprised. I know I was.

Anyway, these will continue but will only be three a week from here on out. Stay tuned.

Donations For Survivors

Don't forget the little creatures when you are making your donations for the hard hit gulf states. They rely on us to help and save them too and many shelters and other rescue organizations could use the assistance.

Hayward Rescued From New Orleans

In the midst of all the terrible aftermath of the hurricane, we can still find some humor.

It would seem that a certain Mr. Hayward J. Ablohmie has been rescued and evacuated to Baton Rouge, LA according to a CNN Safe List.

Gotta love those news outlets and their precise fact checking.

Another little humor break:

Last night, coming home from work, I had to circle the block to find parking. Unfortunately the only place to park was one street over underneath a tree. At first I thought, "Man, this kinda sucks that I have to park way over here" because it's hotter than hell in this city during the summer but then I reminded myself, hello, tree! Tree, the giver of shade! Tree good! Love tree! Not sappy tree either! So I decided that parking under the tree was a grand idea after all and ceased looking for any other place to park. I mean, I was tired, ready to go home and go to bed and hey, I will climb into a nice cool car tomorrow. All is well!

Today I walked to my car, all happy and naive thinking about how nice and cool my car would be when I got into it. I turned the corner, spotted my car halfway down the block and put a smile on my face thinking this was a grand day. Until I got closer and noticed spots all over the car.

All. Over the car.

When I was about 20 feet from my car I realized what those spots were. It seems a few of our feathered friends had themselves a little party last night and chose to shit all over the top, hood, windows front and sides, back and trunk of my car. I had so much bird shit on my car that when I climbed in, I could not see out the windsheild. And, because I begin work later in the day, the heat had baked the bird shit on nice and hard.

I wasn't expecting this so I didn't have enough time to stop and clean it off, rather, I got to drive the 40 minutes to work in a shit covered car while strangers gaped at me as I passed them on the roadways.

I still haven't cleaned it off.

That's about all I have for now. I return you to your news viewing of the devastation and hope you have all donated something for the victims. Don't forget their little critters; the domesticated animals who rely on their human companions for food and safety and maybe pinch another couple of bucks to donate to the organizations that help reunite those people with their beloved pets. For some, this may be all they have left.