September 25, 2005

I Think I've Found My Calling

Dudes...I don't like to stay on one topic for very long lest the readers get bored but there is a fucking gold mine of material here in these personal ads.

I last left you with Mr. Desperate who had left at least three posts on the first page alone. Well guess what ladies and gentlemen? He's written again!

I can't meet people because I'm so busy posting on Craig's List. This one is a little more sane but I love how he says, 'Love sees no color' and then refuses to date black women. Guy has serious issues.

This next one...I just can't pass this one up. The grammar and sentence structure is horrific. The's so bad it's pissing me off. And he's a class A whiner to add icing on the cake.

Hi my name is Ali About me I'm 28 5'8 175pd mixed blk white in good shape slim and done with the B.S games that men and women play for there egos and other parts.

Where do I begin? First of all, let's not hit the 'return' key halfway through a sentence. (You'll have to look at the link to see what I mean.) Second, speaking of sentences, we either have run on sentences or fractured sentences and both make it incredibly difficult to focus on what the person is saying. Not that they're saying much. Third, the word "there" should have been spelled, "their" and it's something we all learned in middle school so when a 28 year old spells it wrong, I'm immediately turned off.

I'm was in the coast guard but was so unhappy so I quit and moved to davie /ft laderdale area Fl and work at a air con company.

I'm was in? That's a new one. Hey, SFaolan, where were you? "I'm was in the bathroom boss." And ooh lookie! He's a quitter! If it gets too hard he just quits instead of fulfilling the promises he made to the U.S. Government. Ladies, if he can't keep that promise, he definitely can't keep a promise to you.

I let go of my whole life and packed up and set out on an adventure a new life new start.I move din with my best friend jhon and his wonderfull family, who saved my lfe litterly.After my girlfriend of four years left me and cheated on me. I just wanted the pain to go away.

Que the violin music. Litterly. I promise it's "wonderfull".

It's been a month now, and it's over ,but I'm still me and I am finding what is it that again makes me-me after that? I'm ready to discover that again.

"I am finding what is it that again makes me-me after that?" Huh?! Speekie ye English?

What I have discovered is being alone sucks ass! Sorry its true.

Why is he apologizing?

I cant stand the sleep around go to bars tell her what she wants to hear to get laid shit! Some people I realize have no soul! I dont know we all have had that faze but Im over it it took me forever but I cant go back to that I dont want to see any one hurt like I was hurt ever again I cound take another betrayal.

I think my brain hurts after reading that paragraph. Use some sort of punctuation somewhere, PLEASE! For the love of humanity! And will someone please hand that boy a kleenex before the snot from crying runs down his face into his mouth?

Santa Cruz.

What? What the hell kind of transition is that? You can't just jump around from one topic to the next, hapharzadly! That's dangerous! Think of your fellow man!

I started going to the gym or run/mountain bike/swim 5 days a week.I'm getting my body back and it feels good.

What happened to his body? He's been a floating head this entire time? Wow, that ex of his must have been a real psycho leaving him with no body. I think he'll have a better chance at dating once he reattaches his head though.

I have a extra mountain bike but no partner. I have the skills to cook a fantastic meal but no one to share it with. I have a queen size bed and my cat takes up most of it or sleeps on my head and the rest is cold and alone I toss and turn at night cause I cant stand sleeping alone it sucks so much.

I just realized that I'm being a real asshole subjecting you all to this. I'm having a hard time keeping my own dinner down and here I go, sharing it with all of you, unsuspecting readers. I'm sorry. I truly am. Well, I guess only a smidgen sorry cause I'm going to continue. Hey, misery loves company. At least that's the message I'm getting from this guy. God what a puss.

I'd love to swim in the pool with you and lay in the sun on a air mattress, enjoy a drink and laff again.

Sigh. 'AN air mattress" not "A air mattress". AN if the following word begins with a vowel, "A" if the following word begins with a consonant. It's fucking third grade English people! And it's spelled "laugh" you douche!

I can dance but no one to dance with.I'm looking for someone I can fall in love with and not introduce them to the family just to get my heart broke again.

How old is this little girl? The crying! The drama! Someone needs to get over it before trying to date again. Anyone who is stupid enough to date him is only going to be a rebound girl. Well, if she responds, maybe she deserves it.

Yes I want someone to bring me soup or hot tea in bed cause I'm sick and yes I would do the same gladly. I am sick I'm love sick and I don't want to be sick one more day.

No, you're not sick. You're a pussy. You're still hung up on the last relationship, as I said above, and you are so not even close to being ready for a new one. You're just going to make the new one sick too. Much like you're making me sick.

I'd love some one to hold a kiss all night. Hold hands with and watch sunsets on the beach.I'm so open to what ever.

"Because I'm fucking desperate and can't stand to be alone and am not willing to work through the pain of a breakup. I'd much rather cling to someone else so that I don't have to think about it." It's one thing to talk about a break up, it's something else to try to use that to get someone new in your life. It's pathetic.

I haven't been able to sleep I cant stand sleeping alone.I would love it if you would respond back preferably with a number/picture.I'm also willing to travel to see you,Or you can come over or even meet for a drink maybee dinner movie or just go out and dance and have fun agian.

Or "maybee" not. "Maybee", bzzzzz, I'm a bee, maybe (correct spelling of the word), you could explain what dinner movie is. And "maybee" you could learn to be comfortable with yourself so that you can rely on yourself to entertain yourself instead of this co-dependency that is being revealed before our very eyes. Just maybeeeee.

I love to find some one special agian (ltr) maybee it's you mabee just a great new friend it's up to you.

Maybee you could learn to spell. Mabee you could learn to write in coherent sentences. Mabee you could quit being such a fucking whiner. Mabee you could grow a pair.



I think if some one can take the time to write you its only polite to write them back,people have feelings and there are alot of us who are searching and feel fragile.

You took the time to write a blubber fest on Craig's List and now I owe you something? I think not. Besides, I don't do well with fragile things. I tend to break them. Call me clumsy.

Challege excepted tag you're it!

ACCEPTED you fricken dolt. Also? I never agreed to play this game so I guess you're still it. Whatever you are, whomever you are. Not that you know either... except maybe a little moaning bitch.

Following that we get three photos where we get to play, "Guess which one I am because I'm too fucking stupid to inform you."

So let me ask you all something: Is it that I'm too picky or is it that there are just a lot of tards out there? I will tell you though, the more I read these the more I am happy to be single. Sure, I'd like to have a relationship but not if it means being with one of these tools. Like they said in the movie, "Some Kind of Wonderful": I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than together for the wrong ones.

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at September 25, 2005 11:33 PM | TrackBack

"No, you're not sick. You're a pussy."

Ha ha, roflmao.

After reading your post, I just can't figure out why this poor soul is so lonely! Mabee it's the spelling issues. Maybee it's the desperation.

What a fucking loser.

Posted by: Viki at September 26, 2005 09:24 AM

What's really sad is that some women will have quit reading your post halfway through in order to contact him...

Posted by: jen at September 27, 2005 11:04 PM
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