Nomen Est Omen

Dear...

Work: For the love of God, please, please turn off the a/c. I know we live in the tropics but did you not notice the past few weekends it has been in the 40s? We do not need air conditioning on days such as those. You wonder why so many people are calling in sick, using up all their time at the beginning of the year....it's because we are all freezing to death at work and getting sick. TURN OFF THE FUCKING A/C!

Miscellaneous Drivers On The Road: Please...PLEASE, will you just make up your mind how fast you are going to drive? If you decide to fly down the street to get in front of the line of cars nearing the on ramp to the freeway, then once you get on the freeway, would you please pick up the pace? You drove 60mph in a 40mph zone but then hit the freeway and drove 35mph!

And when we are on the freeway, you can't decide if you wish to go 75mph or 50mph. There you are, driving along at 75...then, for no apparent reason whatsoever, you slow down....70, 60, 55, 50....and you drive this slow for a few miles. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bug flies up your ass and you gun it back up to 75. You then repeat the same steps. Back and forth, back and forth...why in the hell do you do this?

Downstairs Guest/Former Neighbor: Ever since you came up to hear what I have to hear when you play your shitty music, (except for that night), you have not blared it out of the speakers. I thank you. I still hate you and that is why I glare at you every time I see you, but thank you. Please continue this behavior. Maybe one day I'll stop glaring and just ignore your presence. Yes, that is a huge step.

Cold Germs: Please leave me the fuck alone. It's one thing to walk around my house all day with Kleenex shoved up my nose because you refuse to stop dripping from it but I can't do that at work. Instead I get to sound like a 5 year old with my constant sniffing and sneezing. You make me feel like shit and I don't like you. I can't touch my cats, I can't feel my face, I'm hot and I've gone through an entire roll of toilet paper in one day because you attacked me, UNwarranted! Go fuck with the downstairs asshole.

Readers: Thank you for stopping by. I pulled this post straight out of my ass. I wasn't even going to write today. I came by my own site to read other journals and blogs and saw that I hadn't posted here in awhile. I thought, "Wow, I really should come up with something soon. Maybe I'll just write something to tell them I'm still alive." Then this crap came pouring out. I blame my illness. It's the cold's fault. KILL the cold!

Bed: I'm sorry for ignoring you. There you are, all cushioney and soft, beckoning me..."Get in to me..you will feel so much better. I will soothe your aching muscles and my clothes of down will cool your hot skin. Close your eyes, relax and let me take care of you." But I have fought off your advances choosing to give Computer far more quality time than it really deserves. I'm sorry Bed, I'm coming.

Computer: I didn't really mean what I said to Bed about you not being deserving of my undivided attention. I love you, Computer. I'm so happy that we are friends.

Death: Fuck off. You can't have me yet. Tell Cold to step off and fuck with someone else. Pissant bitches!

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at January 29, 2006 10:16 PM | TrackBack