February 03, 2006

What Is Your Problem?


Excuse me, Face? What is the deal here? What in tarnation do you think you are doing?

Might I remind you that I am no longer a teenager. Those years are almost two decades past us. It is completely unneccessary to cling to those years. Keep up with the rest of us and show some signs of aging...a fine line, less than dewey skin, whatever but you have crossed the line by giving me what you did this morning.

I am 36 years old. Giving a 36 year old a zit is a completely inappropriate gift. Please return to sender.


Excuse me but you're not funny. Look, even though I am 36 years old and well past the prime age for pimples and zits, I am not old enough for gray hairs. That is unacceptable. Oh you and Face are just hilarious aren't you? Between the two of you I look like a 17 year old with gray hair. Hardly amusing. And I find it even less humorous that the gray hair you gave me is RIGHT where I part my hair which makes it stick straight up for everyone to enjoy. Stop it immediately.


Tha hell? Where do you get off feeling like that? I had absolutely NOTHING to drink last night. In fact, I haven't had a drink in....three weeks and yet you have the audacity to give me hang over symptoms? I wake up feeling like I painted not only my town but every fricken beach community up and down the A1A red last night. I would appreciate it if you would at least let me earn the nauseous, painful, sluggish crap you pulled on me! Inexcusable!


If you would be so kind not to wander out of the yard, I would appreciate it. Between my zit, gray hair and undeserved hang over, I am having a terrible time keeping track of you to put my thoughts inside. As it stands, I have to throw them at you and hope they sink. If you will notice that pile of unorganized, homeless thoughts littered all around you, you will see that I don't have the best aim.

You all, I took such good care of you when I was younger. I fed you right, I moisturized you, I drank plenty of liquids, ate my veggies, read a library full of books and this is the thanks I get? Ok, since then I've had a few drinks, smoked a few cigarettes and pushed my veggies to the side since there was no parent forcing me to eat them but the point is, I do not find your actions amusing. If you would be so kind as to meet me somewhere in the middle so I don't have to be the first zit faced granny, I'd appreciate it.

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at February 3, 2006 11:35 PM | TrackBack

Ok here's what ya do...Get some hair dye, good zit cream and earn that hangover...at least if you have a real hangover you won't care about the gray hair and the zits! Plus, let's put it this way...you should be thankful your skin still thinks it's young enough for the teen problems. I bet you look 19, with gray hair.

Posted by: SailGirl at February 5, 2006 01:02 AM

Heh. When I was a teenager with zits, man, I couldn't wait til I was an adult so they would go away and never come back. Gawd what an irrational belief that turned out to be. At least I don't get them on my face all the frikkiing time.

And where did all that hair in my ears, nose and eyebrows come from? I'm not going bald, so there isn't a great hair migration going on here, but Lord, I already suffer from the occasional zit, didja hafta give me the ever sprouting unmentionable hair too?

When I first started getting gray hairs in my beard (and I mean white, really really white), I'd pluck 'em out. If I did that now, well, I'd rather not. It's either shave, paint it up with Grecian Formula, or let it ride. Letting it ride is what's gonna happen, and has been happening for some time now.

My "hangovers" generally are the result of three beers at the bar with a pack and a half of cigarettes. I'll never learn.

I'm also not too happy with my knees. I know, they were stressed out in football, plus carrying around the spare tire hasn't helped, but they just aren't to be trusted. Racing down the stairs - well, ya just can't depend on 'em. One or the other gives out, and if ya don't have a hand on the rail, it could be tail over teacup. Not every time, or even for weeks or months, but they lurk, waiting to catch me unawares.

Posted by: Jeffro at February 6, 2006 12:30 AM
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