Nomen Est Omen

From The Notepad

Over the years I've learned to carry around either a tape recorder or a notepad to jot down random ideas or thoughts or observations because I will forget them if I do not. Tonight, while I sit leashed to a phone on auto re-dial, I thought I'd share those little notes with you. Perhaps I'll make it an ongoing series. I mean, it is the point of having a blog is it not? I think my ideas and opinions are so incredible that I simply must relay them to the entire blogoverse. In fact, it needs to be read by the entire inernet, spread all across the super information highway because people have led otherwise unfulfilled lives before I started writing. I see you're nodding your head in agreement. Splendid.

For starters, I will admit that I am currently doing something I've never done before nor thought I would. As stated, I am attached to a phone. I've been carrying this phone around since 9PM. This phone has been on automatic redial since 9PM. It is now 11:13PM. What in the name of all that is holy am I doing?

I'm trying to fricken vote for my choice to win American Idol.

I know I'm not 12 anymore and should spend my time far more constructively but I've always employed the idea that one who does not vote has no right to bitch about the outcome. However, at this point, I'm about to say, "Or as long as you made a concerted effort to vote you can bitch later on" because this really is ridiculous that I can't get through for one little tone that counts my vote. It's not like I talk to anyone right? I mean I'm assuming here but surely that's how they do it. You call up, a computer on the other end says, "Beep" and your vote is counted. I'm giving it another 1/2 an hour and then Carrie is on her own. Sorry if you don't win, babe. I tried.

Because I was feeling rather lazy after the show aired, I proceeded to shift my prone position on the couch only slightly to change channels. I got all the way to UPN before I accidentally dropped the remote on to the floor. As it was too far to reach without actually exerting any energy, I found myself staring at the horror that is Britney's new show.

This is like watching a train wreck about to happen. This is watching trailer trash get all dolled up and money thrown at her but no matter how much money you throw at trailer trash, they remain trailer trash. The show is nothing more than excerpts of personal video camera footage of Britney during her down time while hanging out with now husband, Kevin. It's like getting a sneak peek into a 12 year old redneck's diary. A lot of it was in night vision and we got a large dosage of such cutting edge camera angles leading us to view straight up Britney's nostrils before watching her make out with Kevin on the tour bus. Most of it was Britney posing for the camera and 98% of it was phony ass crap. I also noticed how Britney couldn't decide if she wanted a southern twang to her voice or to talk like she does in interviews.

It truly was a disaster and I'm probably going to suffer traumatizing nightmares for some time. I'll see green and suddenly a giant nostril will appear before me, flaring menacingly. Just when I think I can't take it anymore, two pairs of lips will start slapping spit all over the place and if I have any good Karma at all, at this point I'll wake up screaming.

I decided, once that was over that maybe being such a sloth tonight was not in my best interest and reached for the remote before I had to suffer through another half an hour and the new show "Bad Girls Guide". I saw about 1 minute of that show and I'm afraid if you like it, it's not going to be on air much longer. It really sucks.

I then found myself on a martial arts show. Now, let me try to build this for you. When you have watched martial arts shows in the past you know they have been dubbed into English and the words never quite match the mouths of the characters but the dialogue, while certainly not gifted on any level is at least entertaining. It is a little distracting but you can usually zone it out and enjoy the art of the fights. Ok, take that and imagine the martial arts show dubbed over in Spanish. Yes. So I'm sitting there watching far east martial arts with characters who supposedly speak Spanish. There were a lot of "Ai-yee", and "Vamanos" and "undeles" going on. I found it rather unsettling. Much the same feeling I found myself having while watching Star Trek dubbed over in German when I lived there.

Tonight only cemented the theory for me that tv execs think we are really stupid and that my idea of picking up a book most evenings instead of watching t.v. was actually bordering on genius.

Now, I am giving this voting thing about 15 more minutes before I say "hell with it" and forget ever trying to participate in pop culture again.

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at May 24, 2005 11:32 PM