Nomen Est Omen

Being An Adult Sucks

So I have been highly unmotivated to write anything because, really? You wouldn't believe me even if you were me.

Some of the less traumatic highlights:

Recently I got a new car. (New to me, that is.) I decided that this time I would be a grown up and not put stickers with witty, smart ass comments all over it nor would I trick it out with little chrome bits and neon lights and whatever else I could find to show the world that I'm still cool, yo! Look at my car!

No. This time I would be an adult and drive an adult car. But apparently my car does not like this. My car wants to be like cars from my past. My car wants to be young and carefree and sport no less than 300 decals portraying its attitude.

So what does my car do to me in rebellious defiance? It rips holes in things. Like my oil hose. And my radiator hose. And the upholstery on the ceiling. So I, being the adult in this relationship, shell out big bucks for my car's angst and replace these items. I promise the car that despite the fact I have not bought it the desired school clothes like all the other cool cars are wearing, it is still my precious baby and I love it so.

This did not sit well with the car. Apparently my car is at the age that if I show it any affection other than "dope" accessories, I'm embarrassing it. So the car retaliates again.

I'm driving to work one day and go to adjust the rearview mirror. Unfortunately cool car thought cool mom should not be touching it in front of its car peers and showed me hostility by allowing the mirror to break off in my hand. What car didn't realize is that with the breaking of the mirror, down came the pretty hip accessories I let dangle from this mirror. Of course I will purchase another mirror but car has had to go three days without and I think it's starting to feel remorse. Towards me? Doubtful. Remorse that it looks retarded right now.

So, ok, then also? Again I'm trying to be a grown up now and do things the grown up way but what am I doing instead? I'm sitting at my desk at 4 in the morning, smoking a cigarette and writing here instead of sleeping, like adults do, regardless of the fact that I have to be at work in 4 hours. Because I'm stupid. And because I stupidly drank a pop 1/2 hour before going to bed. Because I have learned nothing. Because I very adultly rebelled against lessons taught me when I was younger by my parents and that maybe they were wrong! oh so wrong! it is possible to drink a carbonated beverage before bedtime and still get sleep. Sure it is! Just look at me now!

Despite how much I try to be a grown up I was reminded earlier tonight just how many years I've put on when I watched the show, "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Now, I would not have normally watched this show if it wasn't for his hysterical, weekly commentary about the show, (so you see how this is not my fault in any way, shape or form), but I felt under obligation to do so since I demanded he continue writing about it.

And I saw one of my favorite bands from the 80's...Missing Persons...looking as haggard as I could ever imagine them looking. Dale? The lead singer? Oh Dale, Dale, Dale....I'm so sorry...the years have not treated you well. And then? She did a rendition of Kylie Minoque's song, "Out of My Head" and it was so embarrassing to watch, I actually thought of changing the channel on Missing Persons! I KNOW! I felt shame! Shame people! That I ever said this lady could sing. She would not make it through the first cut on American Idol that's how dreadful the performance was.

And that's when it hit me. My God! I'm old! I'm old yet I still act like a little girl trying to play house. See, Missing Persons broke up when I was 16 and while I have not felt, as many adults do, (because I can't even master this part of adulthood), that time has flown by, instead I am actually shocked...SHOCKED I tell you, when I see people from my past, (young, free, full of hope), life looking like grandma!

So, I tried. I gave it a valiant effort to be an adult this week and I failed except to note that the only thing I've accomplished is aging. Now do you understand why I didn't feel like writing much?

Next time you see me I'll be drinking straight out of the milk carton yet bitching about how cold it is all the time. Time to throw the covers over my head. You know, the ones with Hello Kitty on them? I can see you are impressed with how well I'm getting the hang of this adult hood thing.

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at July 2, 2005 04:08 AM | TrackBack