Nomen Est Omen

Dear Downstairs Neighbors

Please note the time, it is after 1 am and I'm still awake. Why? You ask? I'll tell you. You see, all day long I've been listening to your little kids and their friends run around and bang into walls, scream at the top of their lungs, curse loudly and run up and down the stairs of this building.

But I said nothing because it was day time and that's when kids are expected to be noisy. Granted, the cursing and screaming could be toned down but still, I kept quiet.

However, every single night this week I have waited patiently for night to fall because I, foolishly apparently, assumed that your children would have to go to bed at a reasonable hour to be able to get up for school the next day. Your kids are in school aren't they? Most nights I was rewarded with peace and quiet some time around 11pm. Personally I think that's awfully late for a 10 year old to be up and running around like he just downed half a ton of sugar but because I was getting some peace, I decided to let it go. I mean, you're the ones who have to live with him.

Now I realize that on weekends kids are often times allowed to stay up later and sometimes they even have slumber parties. I have no issue with either of these. What I do take issue with is that here it is, after one in the morning and what are your kids doing? Do you know? I can't believe that if you are sitting in your apartment with them that you have no idea what they are up to. But let's just say you are either deaf, dumb or blind. I'll tell you what they are doing at 1 in the mother fucking morning.

Your children are standing at your front door and yelling outside while repeatedly slamming the door as loudly as humanly possible. In fact, they have been doing this for approximately one hour and while I'm a patient person, I am not that patient nor do I wish to exercise my patience any further.

Therefore, after the last foundation rattling slam of your front door by your children, I decided to go down to confront you. I don't really like to confront my neighbors as I try ever so hard to live peacefully amongst them but this sort of behavior from your children has been carrying on for approximately 9 days. Yes, I have been counting.

I walked down three steps and eyed your precious young boy standing at the door, getting ready to slam it again while I heard the melodious tones of your young girl screeching in the background; inside the apartment. Where I assumed you might be sitting.

Are you not aware that slamming doors at one in the morning is disturbing other tenants? Apparently you are not as I had to get your child's attention, ask him to please stop slamming the door, it was after midnight. He looked up sheepishly, nodded and silently closed the door after walking back in to your apartment.

And guess what? It has been quiet ever since. Now why is it that I have to parent your children? This is not my job and I don't give a damn about that whole village b.s. that Hillary likes to spout out. Nonetheless, if I have to continually parent your children when they are screaming holy hell and scaring the neighbors, cursing like a sailor and slamming doors, banging walls and running around the stairwells at ungodly hours, then I will be requesting a portion of your tax cut that you get for having these children.

If I ever find out that you have left your children unattended at these hours, I will be calling the proper authorities. If you don't want to discipline your children, you shouldn't have had any. Perhaps they will find themselves in a much more stable home with adult supervision if it is in fact true that you are not around and that is the reason they act like crack whore monkeys.

Thank you and have a most pleasant sleep. At least one of us should, right?

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at April 23, 2005 01:32 AM